Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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