watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
