the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
