are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
