If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
