I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
