so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
