WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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