i permit you to call me
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize