My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
