Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize