what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
