I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
