I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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