She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
