I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
sarcasm needs its own font
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
