you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
