Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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