He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
