I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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