this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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