im about as happy as oj after his trial
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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