Only a mothe r could love this liver
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
