i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
