i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
