Can Purell be used as lube?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
