I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
