I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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