The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
