I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
