Say something about gay babies.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize