I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
