As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
