He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
