PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
