I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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