i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
