In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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