There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
