Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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