there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
