Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
