Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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