My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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