Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I did not marry a roomba.
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