He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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