I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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