he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
