tell your sister to shave her snatch
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
