Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
