I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
