Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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