if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
