dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
