Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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