is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
