I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
