I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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