sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
