end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
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