dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
