Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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