I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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