If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
