Moan for me like Helen Keller
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
