Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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