I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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