As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
whose parrot is this?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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