Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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