fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sobbing to NWA
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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