I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
