I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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