Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
