Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
