He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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