his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
