I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
