i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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