ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize