they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
