I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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