'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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