Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think a kid would responsible me up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
