genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
