My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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