It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
