I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
