Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Your face is a jimmy john
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
