She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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