we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
