How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
