the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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