Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
