Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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