My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
