Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm at about main and main street
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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