How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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