i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
