New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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