Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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