Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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